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Friday, September 11, 2020

How can Red Sox fans get through 2020? We've got some suggestions

You think it's bad for YOU, Josh Osich? 

Other than awaiting the daily Bobby Dalbec home run, how can a Red Sox fan make it through the rest of this disastrous 2020 season? Fenway Reflections contributing writer Keith Harrington put his thinking cap on and came up with these ideas:

  • Make cardboard cutouts of team ownership and management to put in your living room so you can yell at them for not getting a single pitcher in the Mookie Betts trade.
  • Take solace that your first "IT'S RUINING MY SUMMMAHHH!!!!" was said because of COVID-19 and not the Red Sox. 
  • Start a workout program to lose those pandemic pounds so you can get that revenge body ready to start openly dating the Celtics.
  • Make a name game called "Is this a 2020 Congressional candidate or today's Red Sox starting pitcher?" 
  • If you bought a cutout for the stands at Fenway, call the team to see if you can have the cutout either leave in the 6th inning to beat traffic or put a bag over its head.
Time to get the paper bags...
  • Give the cashier a $50 dollar bill for a six-pack of Budweiser to get that real Fenway experience.
  • Go through your old baseball card collection and try and reminisce which Red Sox rookie you fell in love with before they eventually fell off the face of the earth. Phil Plantier, I'm looking at you.
  • Send an email to the 99 Restaurant to see if they can replace their "Kids Eat Free If the Red Sox Win" promotion with "Adults Get Half-Off Chicken Wings Whenever Jackie Bradley Jr. Hits Into an Inning-Ending Double Play."
  • Create a remote back-to-school art project for kids where they get to make paper mache ligaments for Chis Sale's elbow.
Get your paste ready kids!
  • Suggest that management host a "Run the Bases Night" where fans are actual pinch-runners in a live game.
  • Start making a financial plan for the team to make sure they will have enough money when Fernando Tatis Jr. hits the free agency market.
  • Take this time to clear out your old Red Sox shirts. You know, your Ortiz shirt. Your Manny shirt. Your Nixon shirt. Your Pedro shirt. Your Carl Everett shirt. Your 2005 playoff shirt. That Roger Clemens shirt that should have been applying Turtle Wax to your Buick 23 years ago.     
Send that Everett shirt to Ebay.