How I helped bring big-league baseball back to Washington

Nobody has seen this in DC in a while. (AP photo)

With the first World Series game in Washington, D.C., since 1933 just hours away, it's time to share the tale of the role I played in making it all happen.

The year was 1994. I was a young stringer at the Washington Post, working the Sports desk by day and covering minor league, college, and high school games on nights and weekends. Baseball was my favorite sport, but the closest big-league team, the Baltimore Orioles, was an hour away. The second incarnation of the Washington Senators had left town for Texas more than 20 years before, and summers in DC were spent waiting for football season to start.

Then one day the phone rang in the Sports department (yup, people really called the Sports desk in that Jurassic era). It was an Orioles fan, irate that the team's D.C. ticket office had closed. I didn't know there was such a place, and asked him where it was; it turns out it was only a few blocks from the Post's 15th and L offices.

Where I took the call in '94 - since torn down.

During my lunch break, I walked over and checked it out. Sure enough, there were was a CLOSED sign on the door of an otherwise nondescript storefront on 17th and L, with posters of Cal Ripken and Brady Anderson in the window. Before online ticket brokers got heavy into the market, most folks got tickets the old-fashioned way -- at the ballpark or at an office like this one.

Now DC residents no longer had the latter option. A few angry fans milled around out front; a real mini-mutiny.

I wrote a story about the incident that was one of my rare front-page-of-the-Sports-section articles, and the result was a stream of phone calls into the Sports desk complaining about the closing.

They must have called the Orioles PR office too, because the store was quickly reopened. Staff writer and Orioles beat man Mark Maske got to write the follow-up story, but I didn't mind. It was cool enough that my reporting had helped spark action. Even Orioles owner Peter Angelos got involved.

Cal was a big DC draw in '94.

The incident proved what I already knew from covering the minor leagues for the Post; Washington was a football town, but there was still plenty of baseball fans in DC hungry for a big-league club. They were willing to drive an hour to Baltimore to see one, and helped fill several minor-league ballparks in Maryland and Virginia as well.

When the Redskins went from a perennial contender to an awful club in the mid-1990s, and the basketball Bullets and hockey Capitols were stumbling along at mediocre or worse, the yearning in DC for a winning team in ANY sport was high. During the MLB strike of '94, my minor league coverage briefly took over large portions of the Sports section when Baltimore's Class AA Bowie Baysox club made the Eastern Division playoffs. It was the closest thing to big-time baseball in either DC or Baltimore that summer. 

The best pro baseball club near DC, c 1994.

A little over a decade later, long after I had returned to my native Boston, Washingtonians finally got their own baseball team when the Expos relocated from Montreal as the Nationals. The Redskins still stunk, and slowly DC brought back the fans it had lost to the Orioles in previous decades.

Now, it appears, that transformation is complete. And when the first pitch is thrown tonight, I'll be watching with a little bit of pride.

After all, I helped show Washington could be a baseball town.

David Ortiz Countdown brings back memories of Yaz Watch -- and the Charlie's Angels Gaffe

Two who know the thrill of the chase.

My phone buzzed Wednesday night in the Staples parking lot with a text from my friend Scott reading only "498." The two photos below were attached, and I momentarily had a rush of excitement and jealousy that he was at Fenway Park while I waited in school supply lines. 

It was only the second inning. Perhaps, I texted back to Scott, David Ortiz could get two more homers in the game and reach 500 before the Red Sox went on a 9-game road trip the next day. He didn't, of course, and by game's end my thoughts returned as they often have in recent weeks to 1979 -- when Carl Yastrzemski was in pursuit of his 3000th hit. 

I was 12 that summer, and like most Boston-born kids had been cheering for Yaz all my life. I twirled my bat and tugged at my pants in Little League games, and made self-tossed leaping catches against the backyard wall of our house in imitation of Captain Carl's Green Monster heroics.

Like Ortiz, Yastrzemski had been in danger of missing his best chance to get his big hit at home back in '79.

Ancient Mariner (Topps)

He had a great first half-season, and slugged his 400th home run in July, but the march to hit No. 3000 was excruciatingly slow. Like this year's team, the Sox were essentially out of the pennant race that September, leaving fans not much else to cheer for but the "Ancient Mariner's" quest. 

Yaz hit .225 in August, the month he turned 40, and more often than not the "Yaz Watch" numbers that the Boston Globe noted on the front of its Sports page stayed unchanged from one day to the next.  He needed just 5 hits when the Red Sox started a six-game homestand on Sept. 7, and after getting 3 of them the first night against the Orioles his bat went stone silent.

Struggling in the stretch. (Getty Images)

The next three games against the Orioles he went 1-for-12, and when the hated Yankees came in for three more Yastrzemski was still one hit shy. He went 0-for-3 with a walk in the first contest, which I watched on the massive free-standing Zenith in our family's den -- flipping back-and-forth between Yaz's at-bats on Channel 38 and a Tuesday night ABC lineup of "Happy Days," "Angie," "Three's Company." and "Taxi" on Channel 5. 

Remember, this was before smartphones with their tweets and MLB.com Gameday updates made it easy to view a game in your hand while watching something else on TV. I guess I could have brought in a portable TV or radio and had both going at once, but hey, I was just 12. 

Wednesday's game pitted Yastrzemski against sore-armed New York pitcher Catfish Hunter. I tried my dual-channel tactics again, this time choosing NBC's "Eight is Enough" against the game. I caught Yaz walk in the first, fly deep in the third, and then ground out to end a 3-run Boston fourth.

Tough competition.

This knocked out Hunter, so Yastrzemski was facing struggling rookie Jim Beattie when he came up again in the sixth. By now my partner viewing was a "Charlie's Angels" movie on ABC (again, I was 12) but I still managed to see Beattie get Yaz to ground out -- leaving the captain with possibly one more late-game chance. I sighed and flipped back to Bosley's beauties.

Then, perhaps lost in my pre-teen fantasies, my timing fell off. While watching the ladies get to the bottom of their latest mystery, I saw the letters start scrolling across the bottom of the screen: "CARL YAS..." I immediately leaped up and flipped the dial, but I was too late -- there was my hero letting out a sigh of relief on first base after a seeing-eye single under Willie Randolph's glove. No. 3000 was in the books.

Finally.

I saw the replay, but was pissed at myself for weeks.

Fast forward to today. With Ortiz still 2 homers shy of 500, I am determined not to miss the big moment -- which will almost certainly come sometime during Boston's current nine-game trip. I'll have my phone and MLB.com with me at all times, and will run to a bigger screen if one is nearby. I can even watch the entire game all over again if I want (we didn't have a VCR back in '79 either).  

Still, it won't be quite the same without The Fonz and Jaclyn Smith.

Two more to go. (Boston Herald)

The greatest Larry Lucchino Fenway Park story of them all

Lucchino at Fenway, before the trophies.

Outgoing Red Sox President Larry Lucchino has long been credited as the man who saved Fenway Park from the wrecking ball, but he never even visited Yawkey Way until 1986 -- and that first trip has a compelling backstory.

The Red Sox were on their way to an American League pennant behind the ascending Roger Clemens, and Lucchino was vice president and general counsel of the Baltimore Orioles. The Orioles had won a World Series just three years before, but in '86 were a struggling club heading to a last-place finish behind Boston in the AL East.

Not good medicine. 

Lucchino had other things on his mind than the standings that spring. He had been diagnosed with non-Hodgkin lymphoma, a cancer of the white blood cells that required him to undergo a bone marrow transplant and other painful procedures. Since his mentor Edward Bennett Williams, the acclaimed trial attorney and Orioles owner, had been treated at Boston's Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, that's where Lucchino went as well.

A member of the Orioles board of directors had donated a satellite dish and had it installed on the Dana-Farber roof so that Lucchino could watch Orioles games during the weeks he was in the hospital. Still, he longed for a true hardball fix only attainable by a pass through the turnstiles.

After 37 days under hospital quarantine Lucchino was finally cleared to spend some time outside. His care team at Dana-Farber, led by Drs. Tom Frei and Lee Nadler, warned him that he should stay away from crowds. His cancer treatments had severely weakened the young baseball executive's body, and left it dangerously susceptible to infection.

On this Saturday afternoon, however, the only place in Boston Lucchino really wanted to go was less than a mile away -- where 30,000 people and their germs would be tightly packed together amidst cigar smoke and beer.

Fenway Park.

Fenway bleachers: germs galore.

Despite his years with the Orioles, Lucchino had never been to the oldest ballpark in the major leagues. A hard-nosed lawyer used to doing whatever it took to succeed in court and life, he now had the necessary connections to make such an outing medically feasible. He approached Red Sox president John Harrington for help, and Harrington secured a private box at the ballpark where Lucchino could watch that day's game while safely separated from the multitudes. 

Although he can't quite remember Boston's opponent, Lucchino knows the visit took place in June of 1986. A quick look on baseballreference.com reveals that Boston's only Saturday home games that month were against Milwaukee (a 2-0 loss on June 14) and the Orioles (a 7-2 win by Clemens on June 21). Since it's hard to believe Lucchino would forget if his own team was the opponent, and that Clemens went to 13-0 by beating them, my money is on the Brewers.

Fenway as Lucchino first saw it.

Whatever the case, the ballpark made an immediate impact on Lucchino -- even if the game did not. Growing up a working-class kid in Pittsburgh, he had spent many afternoons in the early 1960s watching his favorite player (shortstop Dick Groat) and his beloved Pirates at Forbes Field -- like Fenway, one of the classic ballparks built in the second decade of the 20th century. 

Forbes Field, Lucchino's childhood haunt.

A middle-infielder with his own big-league aspirations (he was All-City at second base), Lucchino loved how close fans at Forbes were to the field. He felt the same intimacy at Fenway, where the venue, with all its quirky angles and the great Green Monster wall in left field, was as much a part of the experience as the game itself.

"I was impressed -- very impressed," Lucchino would tell me of that first visit. "Little did I know that I would be back there in a couple of different ways."

His first major reconnection to Fenway would come just a few years later. After the death of his boss and longtime friend Williams to cancer in August 1988, Lucchino was part of a group that purchased the Orioles prior to the 1989 season. The team had shared cavernous, all-purpose Memorial Stadium with the Baltimore Colts football team since the 1950s, but the new ownership group was committed to constructing a baseball only ballpark.

Memorial Stadium, past its prime.

By this point president and CEO of the Orioles, Lucchino headed up the project. He bought in an expert in urban planning and architecture, Janet Marie Smith, and made her vice president for design and development of the new park. 

During the next four years, Lucchino worked alongside Smith to create and bring to life a blueprint that would transform the way modern baseball venues were constructed -- taking them away from the cookie-cutter, multiplex, stark behemoths of recent vintage and back to the days when each team's identity was formed largely by an instantly recognizable home. 

"We proposed it in the documents as a 'traditional old-fashioned ballpark with modern amenities,'" Lucchino says. "It was to be irregular, quirky, asymetrical for sure, with intimate seats as close to the action as possible."

Janet Marie Smith, a great Lucchino signing.

They used as their models three classic locales: Forbes Field, Lucchino's childhood haunt; Ebbets Field, the cozy, double-decked home of the Brooklyn Dodgers; and Fenway Park. Only Fenway was still standing.

The result, Oriole Park at Camden Yards, was a revelation from the moment it opened in 1992. It had charm, accessibility, an asymmetrical playing field, and even its modern necessities like luxury suites and a high-tech scoreboard were given an antique feel.

Camden Yards, death knell to cookie-cutters.

Camden Yards was a game-changer, delighting three generations of fans and starting a new ballpark boom across the major leagues. The cookie-cutters have been replaced with beautiful jewels like Jacobs Field in Cleveland, Coors Field in Denver, At&T Park in San Francisco, and Petco Park in San Diego -- the last of which Lucchino also oversaw while president and CEO of the Padres.

Fenway, despite its history and influence on the retro ballparks, was slated for the scrap heap as well, with then-Red Sox president John Harrington leading the charge for a bigger venue that could command higher revnue. When fans suggested Fenway be renovated instead, Harrington found architects who claimed it would literally fall down if such work was attempted. 

Harrington (left) never got "New Fenway" built.

Fenway never fell. Harrington and the Yawkey Trust sold the team to a group led by John Henry, Tom Werner, and Larry Lucchino in December 2001, and Lucchino and Janet Marie Smith began working their magic. While the team was winning three World Series in 10 years, Fenway was improved in almost every way imaginable -- including seats on the Green Monster, wider concourses, unobtrusive upper-decks, and even removal of the dreaded men's room troughs. 

Today, while Lucchino's days at the top of the Red Sox masthead may be numbered, Fenway Park is on the National Register of Historic Places -- assuring that the oldest ballpark in the major leagues will be standing for decades to come. Along with the three gleaming trophies in the lobby of the front offices on Yawkey , that's a nice legacy for the kid from Pittsburgh. 

Who in the world is Alejandro De Aza, and what's he doing saving the Red Sox season?

Hand it to Ben: De Aza is a find.

Fans shrugged their shoulders and scratched their heads when the Red Sox responded to their worst start in a half-century by trading for a .214-hitting outfielder on June 3, but nobody is questioning the pickup of Alejandro De Aza for minor league pitcher Joe Gunkel now.

The failure of Rusney Castillo in his first extended MLB trial and an injury to Hanley Ramirez opened up left- and right-field spots for De Aza in the starting lineup, and the 31-year-old Orioles castaway has become one of the hottest hitters in baseball. 

In 23 games with Boston, during which the Sox offense has sprung to life, De Aza is batting .338 with a 1.034 OPS. On the recently completed roadtrip to Florida and Toronto, he went an insane 12-for-26 with 12 runs scored, 3 triples, 2 homers, and 8 RBI.

Boston was 24-30 when De Aza was acquired, and has gone 13-10 with him in the lineup. There is no denying he has provided a spark.

Thursday's 12-6 victory over Toronto, which gave the Red Sox a season-reviving 5-2 record on the trip, marked another big night for De Aza -- 4 RBI on a single, double, and triple while bating eighth. Throw in great defense and experience at all three outfield spots, and you have a guy who it will be tough to remove from the lineup even if Shane Victorino is about to come off the disabled list and Ramirez is healthy.

Should Victorino start over De Aza? 

De Aza has been a solid player for the last five-plus years, producing a  .749 OPS with his dependable glove and speed on the bases while usually starting for the White Sox and Orioles. He's also shown flashes of power, with 17 homers for Chicago in 2013. 

The lefty-swinging Dominican doesn't have the peak numbers of a Victorino or Ramirez, but if the latter's defense and attitude stay shaky and the former can't stay healthy, De Aza may be a difference maker as Boston seeks to stay in a tight AL East race.

"I'm not saying De Aza is going to come in here and platoon in left with Hanley," manager John Farrell told reporters after the trade. "But at the same time we've got a veteran, a guy who can run, a guy that can play all three outfield positions. We were able to acquire a veteran guy who has some success and track record."

It is unlikely De Aza can continue his torrid production, but he deserves to stay in the lineup while he's white-hot and the Red Sox are winning.   

A familiar sight in June: Alejandro is on again.

As Red Sox struggle vs. Orioles, fans in Boston demand refund for Sunday comeback vs. A's

Fans who missed this are crying foul.

While the Red Sox continue to seek answers for an offensive malaise that has dropped them to the bottom of the American League East, irate fans back home are jamming the ticket office on Yawkey Way demanding a refund for ducats purchased for last Sunday's game against Oakland.

Boston, you may recall, stormed back in the eighth inning of that contest with 8 hits and 7 runs -- turning a 4-0 deficit into a 7-4 wn over the A's in its most exciting victory of the season. But many fans had already left Fenway Park after the seventh, assured that the punchless Sox would continue their incredible string of non-comebacks. 

After all, Boston was 1-27 when trailing after seven innings entering the June 7 game. Why was there any reason to believe that would change?

"I paid $72 for my ticket, and these guys couldn't hit their way out of a clam chowder cup the whole day," said one middle-aged man in a "Thanks Yaz" painter's cap who was among those waiting in line to complain. "I go next door and grab a beer at the Cask, and suddenly they go nuts. I want a ticket to see THAT team."

Hey Papi, where is everybody?

Management said it had not yet decided how to respond to the overwhelming number of refund requests, but said it is considering inviting fans who could prove they left before Sunday's offensive barrage to a "We're Sorry" party in the State Street Pavilion during an upcoming game.  

"We feel their pain," said general manager Ben Cherington. "I know just what that guy means. We want to see THAT team too."

Despite adding big-money All-Star performers in Pablo Sandoval and Hanley Ramirez in the offseason, the Red Sox rank at or near the bottom of the American League in most offensive categories. Entering play Thursday, June 11, Boston's 27-33 was tied with Seattle for the second worst in the AL.

"Fans should hang in there," Cherington advised. "Remember, Rodriguez is pitching on Sunday. We probably won't need to score much in that game."

Yaz is 75, and I hope he's happy

(Associated Press/Steve Senne)

Carl Yastrzemski had a birthday the other day, and a big one at that. The Man They Called Yaz is 75 years old, and as he hits the milestone it appears from an outsider's view that this most private of legends -- who has endured some rough times in recent years -- has plenty to feel good about. 

The young man who shares his famous last name, grandson Mike Yastrzemski, is a rising star in the Baltimore Orioles farm system. Mike has been an extra-base-hit machine at three minor league stops this year, and could even get a September call-up to the majors. Since Carl was a significant influence in Mike's upbringing, especially after the sudden death of his father (Carl's son Michael) in 2004, the 24-year-old outfielder's success is a major source of joy and pride for his grandfather.

Two of Yaz's titanic career statistics have been passed in recent months, his 3,419 hits (now ninth all-time, just eclipsed by Derek Jeter) and his 452 home runs (now 37th, topped by Adam Dunn and David Ortiz). Any player who worked as hard as Yastrzemski to reach those numbers could be justified in feeling a bit sad seeing them drop a notch or two on the record lists, but their mention alongside Jeter, Ortiz, and Dunn's deeds has given fans an opportunity to reflect on (or learn about) what a terrific ballplayer Yaz was during his time in Boston.      

Papi's pal -- and backer. (NESN)

Yastrzemski, in fact, took the opportunity of Ortiz's 453rd home run to offer some gratuitous and classy comments about the new No. 2 man (behind Ted Williams) on Boston's all-time homer list. Ortiz's milestone shot had sparked some debate in newspapers and on sports radio talk shows about whether Big Papi or Yaz should be considered the second-best hitter (after Williams) in Red Sox history. 

Fans were split, with the old-timers mostly going for Yastrzemski -- pointing out that he had to focus on playing the field as well as swinging a bat for the majority of his career. The younger folks took the Ortiz side, noting his three World Series rings (to Yaz's zero) and much higher slugging and on-base percentages.

Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe figured he'd ask Yaz his thoughts on the subject, and their exchange (included in this Shaughnessy column) surprised a public not used to Silent Carl voicing his opinions on such matters -- or much of anything else.

"I would say as a hitter, I would say he's [Ortiz] next to Ted," Yastrzemski told Shaughnessy. "I would put him ahead of me. He had more power than I had." Asked what he would think if he turned on the radio and heard the Papi-Yaz debate raging, the Hall of Famer replied, "I'd be glad that they would have me in the same class as him."   

The Big Three

These comments, so un-Yaz like, blew me away. For a guy who grew up watching Yastrzemski play balls off the Monster from the Fenway bleachers and imitating his bat-twirling, pants-tugging stance in Little League games, there was never any doubt to me that he was No. 2 to Ted -- and I've got plenty of respect for what Ortiz has accomplished. Both are Hall of Famers in my book.

But in addition to being genuinely shocked when I read Shaughnessy's column, it also made me smile. If Yastrzemski is comfortable sharing these thoughts, I surmised, he must be feeling pretty good about himself and his own place in team history. Shaughnessy didn't ask if Yaz thought Ortiz was a better all-around player than him -- that would be no contest, given Yastrzemski's seven Gold Gloves -- but as a hitter, deep down, Captain Carl knew Ortiz had the superior numbers.

In addition to sharing a name, Carl Michael Yastrzemski, and Mike Yastrzemski nearly share a birthday. Mike marked his 24th on August 23 with a hit against the Richmond Flying Squirrels, one day after notching two hits on Carl's big day of August 22 (plus a home run the night before).

Here's hoping that the two got a chance to celebrate their mutual milestones in person or with a phone call. For the joy he gave all of us who were lucky enough to see him play, Yaz deserves the opportunity to savor this time in his life -- and the young man who is bringing him joy.   

Yaz and Yaz (Boston Herald)

Bobby V. channels Grady Little – the Death Watch Continues

What -- me worry? Nahhhhh

This morning I went out to grab my morning paper – yes, I still get one – and noticed a pack of turkeys striding across my neighbor's lawn. I almost felt compelled to go over and give them directions to Fenway Park.

I broke my word last night to not watch another Red Sox game this year, and turned on NESN for the ninth inning from St. Petersburg. Big mistake. Andrew Bailey was on the mound, Bobby Valentine was in the dugout, but I felt like I was watching Grady Little and Pedro Martinez during Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS.

First some good news -- Jose Iglesias hit his first ML home run.

Matt Joyce, leading off – single to center. OK, no big deal, still a three-run lead.

Jeff Keppinger – line-drive single to center. Damn, that was pretty well hit. C'mon, Bailey, don't make this a nail-biter. The closer gets a coaching visit to the mound, presumably to tell him to cut the crap and throw some strikes so we can fly home.

Luke Scott – sharp grounder to first. James Loney fields it cleanly but struggles to get the ball out of his glove and is forced to make the play at first rather than second. Ugh, another well-hit ball, and now two runners are in scoring position. But at least there is one out.

Carlos Pena is up next, a .199 hitter but a certifiable Red Sox killer who seems to relish facing the hometown team that let him go before he found his 40-homer stroke. Bailey has the deer-in-the-headlights look of Calvin Schiraldi at Shea Stadium, and two relievers start warming up for Boston.

Line-drive single to center by Pena – Joyce scores, Keppinger to third. Enough is enough, Bobby V. Bailey has nothing and everybody knows it. Take him out now and let's try and end this road trip on a decent note.

Why can't the Red Sox get guys like this?

Shot to Bobby Valentine in the dugout – smirking but not moving. Hey, Bobby! Bobby!? Let's get out there already and yank Bailey, before you have another Daniel Bard on your hands.

Suddenly it occurs to me – this is just like Grady and Pedro at Yankee Stadium in '03. It was clear back then that Martinez had nothing by the eighth inning of Game 7, but Grady left him in to implode and set the stage for Aaron Boone in the 11th.

Sure, there were some differences. Little was playing for the World Series, and Valentine is playing for nothing – not even his job. He certainly knows that's long gone, whatever he says.

But haven't these guys been through enough? Don't they deserve to fly home feeling at least a little good about themselves – after taking 3 of 4 from the Rays and essentially ending their playoff hopes?

If this was Fenway during the last homestand, this would have been the moment fans who had opted for free “FIRE BOBBY V” stickers from the Boston Baseball hawkers on Brookline Ave. (they far outnumbered the "KEEP BOBBY V” versions inside the park) would have held them up or collectively crumpled them into balls to throw in the general vicinity of the Red Sox dugout.

The author offers his opinion (sorry, Nancy)

But in this case, all fans listening and watching across New England can do is yell at their radios and TVs while Bobby V. stays put and pinch-runner Rich Thompson takes Pena's spot at first. Next up, pinch-hitter Stephen Vogt. He's 0-for-11 on the season, 0-for-19 in his ML career, so maybe Bobby figures that even without his good stuff Bailey can get him.

Thompson steals second – putting the tying run in scoring position.

Great, this will likely rattle Bailey some more.

Stephen Vogt – walk on a full count, loading the bases. Look at the bright side; the Sox are still up 4-2, and at least he didn't get a hit. But Valentine needs to get someone else in there to keep this thing from going extra innings.

Vogt ponders what to do with that long stick.

Shot to Bobby V. – a little body movement, but he's still staying put. Valentine would later tell reporters he stuck with Bailey because it was the “first time he was in trouble. Got to give him a chance to get out of it, I think. Wanted to see what he would do.”

Well, we already saw what he could do in trouble two batters ago. And one batter ago. He was just making the trouble worse. Elliot Johnson runs for Vogt at first, trying to lessen the chance for a double-play and a scoring chance on a gap-hit. He represents the winning run with one out.

Desmond Jennings – who has a single and double in his last two at-bats – steps in.

Desmond Jennings – line-drive single to center on the first pitch. Keppinger and Thompson score, Johnson goes to third, and Jennings takes second when center-fielder Jacoby Ellsbury bobbles the ball for an error. Tie game.

Now, of course, Bobby V. comes out for Bailey and brings in Vicente Padilla to complete his Grady Redux moment. Google Padilla and the first three hits you get are “children” “kids” and “shot” – links that take you to stories about the multiple babies he's allegedly fathered with different women and the fact he once shot himself in the leg at a shooting range, lost 1.5 liters of blood, and initially lied about it to save his career.

Hmm...this explains everything.

Oh yeah, he also has a 4.60 ERA as he takes the mound and B.J. Upton comes up.

By now I figure this can only end one of two ways: either Upton will hit his 24h homer for a 7-4 victory, or he'll rope a liner to left, Carl Crawford will jump from the stands to take Scott Podsednick's place, and trap the ball as Johnson races home for a 5-4 win.

Belt-high fastball to Upton – homer over the center-field wall. Rays win, 7-4.

This is probably when the turkeys started assembling on my street. It's about a six-mile walk to Fenway, but if they hurry they should make it in plenty of time for tonight's 7:10 start against the red-hot Orioles.

Jon Lester gets the start for Boston and is 14-0 lifetime against the Birds, but this is 2012 and the Orioles appear to be a team of destiny playing for their first postseason appearance since the Clinton administration.

Bobby V and the Red Sox? They are just playing out the string.

Next stop -- Fenway.