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Thursday, June 16, 2011

The Best Use of Fenway Peanuts -- by Elyse

My first day working at Fenway for Fanfoto, I made two unexpected friends -- and one cranky enemy.
            Top of the 8th I was up in the pavilion, crouching next to a couple of recent UMass graduates. They were happily downing their four beers, and I was chatting with them about Amherst, Northampton, and Minuteman Hockey. In the middle of our conversation it looked as if there would be a pitching change, and a family two rows down wanted a photo.
            To my dismay they took forever getting organized: Billy needed to be in front since he was shortest, but didn't want to stand on the seat because he was scared.  Their daughter refused to stand up. The mother insisted her husband turn his hat around. 
            When they finally were posed, I found they all suffered from the genetic trait of chronic blinking.  After several tries I finally got a decent shot. 
            Unfortunately, so did Evan Longoria.

            In the time it took the family to get their act together, the pitchers changed, and Longoria hit a single driving in two runs. What was worse: this whole time I had been blocking someone's view.
            She should have been happy that I spared her the sight of such a disaster, but the old woman sitting directly in front of my UMass friends was visibly displeased. As I made my way up the aisle she grabbed ahold of my pant leg.  Pulling me down towards her seat she snarled, “Don't you dare block my view! You should be fired, you are a menace to this stadium.”
            “I'm sorry, I thought I could take the picture before the pitching change ended,” I explained, ashamed of my inability to do my new job.  “Please, it's my first day!”
            The woman was merciless. “Well, you thought wrong!”

            Releasing me she added, “and on your second day you should learn to do your job better!”

            With no thought as to which areas had actually been assigned to me I scurried as far away from the cranky lady as possible.  I was nearing the stairs to gate A when I heard a call:
            “HEEEEEY..... FAN-FOTO GIRRRL!”

           Stumbling towards me was one of the guys from UMass.

            Out of breath, he put his arm on my shoulder for balance and said, “that old lady, she was soooooo mean to you.”

          “I know,” I told him. “It's ok though.”
          “No! no! It is NOT ok!”  he said. 

            Still leaning on me, he hung his head down.“You are so nice,” he said shaking his head sorrowfully. “And she was so mean.”
            I slid his arm off.  He looked up sadly, and I instinctively patted him in consolation.
           “Don't you worry, though,” he said, shaking his finger at me,  “me and my buddy, we got her for you.”
           Suddenly, I was nervous.  What had he and his drunken friend done for revenge?

          “Whaaaa-what did you do?”  I asked.

          He laughed and threw his arm around my shoulder again.

          “We poured peanuts down her sweatshirt for ya!”

          The grouch must have had a very itchy ninth inning. :)

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